Parent-Child Bonds

The relationship between parents and children shapes our emotional world. Some connections are nurturing and supportive, while others can be painful or confusing. Through years of practice, I’ve identified three types of connections between mothers and daughters (or fathers and sons), plus one form of disconnection.

1. The Natural Bond – The Flow of Love

This is the bond as nature intended: the parent nurtures the child, providing love, strength, and guidance. In this dynamic, the child receives a solid foundation of security and belonging, allowing them to grow into their full potential. The mother validates the daughter as a daughter, or the father validates the son as a son.

When this natural connection is in place, love flows freely, creating a healthy and fulfilling relationship.

2. The Inverted Bond – When Roles Reverse

Sometimes, a parent unconsciously expects their child to provide emotional care, turning them into the caregiver. This often happens when the parent didn’t receive enough love or support from their own parents and unknowingly seeks to compensate for it.

For example, a mother who lacked nurturing from her own mother may lean on her daughter for emotional support, flipping the natural order of life. Instead of receiving care, the child becomes the caretaker—something far beyond their role. This inversion can create deep emotional burdens, leaving the child exhausted and overly responsible.

3. The Rivalry Bond – When the Parent Sees the Child as a Competitor

In some cases, a mother may unconsciously see her daughter as a rival rather than as a child. This can happen when the mother feels insecure in her own life and fears that her daughter will take away the attention, success, or love she desires—especially in relation to the father.

Instead of a nurturing dynamic, the relationship becomes competitive and conflicted, with the mother treating the daughter as an equal or even as an adversary. The daughter, in turn, may see her mother as a controlling force, leading to ongoing tension.

4. The Disconnected Bond – When the Parent is Emotionally Absent

This is not so much a bond as it is an absence of connection. A parent overwhelmed by personal struggles may not have the emotional energy to truly “see” their child, leaving them feeling invisible and abandoned.

This form of disconnection can lead the child to internalize feelings of unworthiness, believing they are not important enough to be loved. As adults, they may struggle with emotional intimacy, feeling unseen in relationships.

Healing and Restoring Balance

While painful bonds can shape our emotional patterns, healing is always possible. A natural, loving relationship is our birthright, and with self-awareness, we can restore the correct order within family connections.

If you have a healthy relationship with your parent, cherish it. If your relationship is strained, recognize that conflict, role reversals, or emotional distance are not "natural"—they are distortions that can be healed.

By addressing these patterns, we allow love to flow freely, returning to the balance that nature intended.

What type of bond do you recognise in your life? How could this awareness shift your relationships for the better?