Did you know that trying too hard to please others can ruin your relationship?
In systemic thinking, there is a natural law of balance between giving and receiving.
Many people struggle to receive—whether it’s a gift, a compliment, a favour, or help. These individuals tend to give excessively but find it difficult to accept anything in return. They give their time freely but prefer to handle things alone so as not to inconvenience others. On the other hand, there are also those who receive too much and rarely give.
It is crucial to maintain balance in all relationships, as this imbalance can lead to serious issues.
For example, in a romantic relationship, if a husband does everything for his wife—paying for everything, for instance—and she feels incapable of "repaying" that debt, it can lead to infidelity or separation due to the imbalance. Many things may happen unconsciously to prevent the debt from becoming impossible to repay.
In a relationship, both partners share the same hierarchical position. However, when one person gives too much, they assume a superior, more powerful position, disrupting the couple’s natural hierarchy—this is where many problems begin.
In parent-child relationships, this law often explains why children leave home early. Once they feel they have received enough from their parents, they "repay" the debt by becoming independent. This is a way of honoring their parents. When children stay at home for extended periods, it may indicate an unconscious demand for more, as if simply receiving life itself were not enough.
Of course, these are general examples meant to illustrate the importance of this law. When out of balance, it can create significant distress.
Give only what you can receive.
This is not about obligation—it’s about restoring balance to the system.
Have you ever found yourself in this situation?
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