Constellation? Is it something related to the stars?
No. In fact, Family Constellations are quite the opposite—deeply grounded in life and our daily experiences. This is the name given to the therapeutic work—along with its many applications—developed by the German psychotherapist Bert Hellinger.
Its original name, Familienstellen, means Family Positioning. The image of a constellation—a grouping of stars—serves here as a metaphor for the family system, illustrating the place of each person within the “constellation.”
If you look up at the sky, you can see that planets are in harmony with one another; they do not clash. The moon is in perfect proximity to the Earth. If it were too close, we would experience high tides, floods, and chaos. In the same way that celestial constellations are governed by gravitational forces, families are governed by ordering forces.
These forces operate whether we acknowledge them or not, and whether we agree with them or not. They are an inherent part of our life experience.
If we align with these ordering forces, harmony, peace, and strength are restored among family members. However, when we ignore them, disorder arises, leading to dysfunctional patterns such as the examples below:
Example 1
A mother is in a failing marriage. Perhaps her husband has treated her badly for many years, and she becomes embittered enough to hate men. Her daughter, growing up, witnesses this. Out of unconscious loyalty, the daughter may internalize her mother’s bitterness toward men. Later, in adulthood, without realizing or intending to, the daughter may repeatedly struggle in relationships and end up alone—just like her mother.
This example might seem obvious, but others are more subtle.
Example 2
A woman who is terrified of flying and afraid of car travel discovers that her fear is connected to her uncle’s tragic car accident, which left him permanently debilitated.
Example 3
A woman suffering from chronic insomnia uncovers that her sleepless nights are linked to her brother's fatal car accident—he fell asleep at the wheel.
Example 4
A woman with a paralyzing fear that her child would die later discovers that her grandparents lost two children before they immigrated to the UK.
So how can you heal such influences if you are not conscious of them?
This is where the true work begins.
Family Constellations recreate family systems within the therapy setting and work to re-order them, aiming to interrupt the transmission of guilt, pain, and suffering across generations.
Bringing Unconscious Pain into Awareness
One of the greatest benefits of Family Constellations is that it reveals hidden family dynamics that influence our lives and create obstacles. Traditional counselling, psychotherapy, and coaching often attempt to resolve deep-seated, destructive, or uncomfortable thoughts, feelings, and behaviors through logic or behavioral strategies. However, these approaches may not be effective if the root cause lies in generational trauma or unconscious patterns.
For example, if someone unconsciously carries a fear of happiness out of loyalty to an ancestor who experienced great suffering, simply thinking through the problem or applying coping strategies will not provide lasting relief. Instead, this hidden loyalty must first be acknowledged and addressed so the client can move forward by clearing away loyalty to pain and unconscious fear of happiness.
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